100 Things I Want in a Man

I was speaking to a friend today and somehow we got onto the topic of what we would like in a man. She told me that about a year ago, a friend of hers had written a list of 100 things she would look for in a mate/man. And then out of nowhere, she meets a man and lo-and-behold, he matches almost everything on the list she had written a year previous. She hadn't looked at that list since writing it, but remembered it and decided to take a look at it.

So maybe the act of writing down what she wanted in another person helped her to subconsciously look for the person who would suit her best. Sort of like a subliminal suggestion. Sort of like the book "The Secret" but for relationships.

So I thought, why not? The only stipulation of the exercise was that you had to write things you wanted, not things that you didn't want. A positive list instead of a negative list which concentrates on the bad instead of the good. I think if you keep saying that you don't want certain things, then for some reason, you are so focused on not wanting these things that you actually get what you didn't want. Did that make any sense whatsoever??

So I wrote my list. Surprisingly enough it didn't take that long. At first I thought there's no way I can come up with 100 things I look for in a man. But after the first 15 items or so, the character traits that I look for just came spinning out of my fingers and into a Word document. Amazing. I had been so concentrated on what I didn't want instead of what I did want.

The other surprising thing? Not one item on my list had anything to do with how the man looked. I don't know if most women would put in tall, dark and handsome but it never really occurred to me to put in what to look for in terms of looks. Sometimes I think I am odd for a woman. Looks are so subjective for me. If I think a person is a nice and good person, then they are attractive to me. If I think a person is not a nice person, then they are unattractive to me. I refuse to watch Brad Pitt movies anymore because all I can think is that he cheated on his wife, therefore he has become repugnant to me. Maybe I take things too much to heart, I've been told that this attitude of mine is a little hard-core. And maybe they're right, but I feel as I do regardless.

So, what, you are asking, could I possibly be looking for in a man? Well, I'm not going to post the whole list but the words compassionate, loving, intelligent, honest, honorable, reasonable, playful, loyal, helpful, passionate, kind, flexible, hard-working, emotionally available and reliable were some of the traits I look for in a man. I think most men would agree that they would look for these things in a woman, as well. Men and women, I think, are not all that different. Yes, there are differences but down deep we all want the same thing. Love and acceptance.

So now, I am going to put my list away and not look at it for a year or so. And then I'll see what has happened after a year. Maybe nothing, but maybe something really wonderful.