Monday, January 5, 2009

100 Things I Want in a Man

I was speaking to a friend today and somehow we got onto the topic of what we would like in a man. She told me that about a year ago, a friend of hers had written a list of 100 things she would look for in a mate/man. And then out of nowhere, she meets a man and lo-and-behold, he matches almost everything on the list she had written a year previous. She hadn't looked at that list since writing it, but remembered it and decided to take a look at it.

So maybe the act of writing down what she wanted in another person helped her to subconsciously look for the person who would suit her best. Sort of like a subliminal suggestion. Sort of like the book "The Secret" but for relationships.

So I thought, why not? The only stipulation of the exercise was that you had to write things you wanted, not things that you didn't want. A positive list instead of a negative list which concentrates on the bad instead of the good. I think if you keep saying that you don't want certain things, then for some reason, you are so focused on not wanting these things that you actually get what you didn't want. Did that make any sense whatsoever??

So I wrote my list. Surprisingly enough it didn't take that long. At first I thought there's no way I can come up with 100 things I look for in a man. But after the first 15 items or so, the character traits that I look for just came spinning out of my fingers and into a Word document. Amazing. I had been so concentrated on what I didn't want instead of what I did want.

The other surprising thing? Not one item on my list had anything to do with how the man looked. I don't know if most women would put in tall, dark and handsome but it never really occurred to me to put in what to look for in terms of looks. Sometimes I think I am odd for a woman. Looks are so subjective for me. If I think a person is a nice and good person, then they are attractive to me. If I think a person is not a nice person, then they are unattractive to me. I refuse to watch Brad Pitt movies anymore because all I can think is that he cheated on his wife, therefore he has become repugnant to me. Maybe I take things too much to heart, I've been told that this attitude of mine is a little hard-core. And maybe they're right, but I feel as I do regardless.

So, what, you are asking, could I possibly be looking for in a man? Well, I'm not going to post the whole list but the words compassionate, loving, intelligent, honest, honorable, reasonable, playful, loyal, helpful, passionate, kind, flexible, hard-working, emotionally available and reliable were some of the traits I look for in a man. I think most men would agree that they would look for these things in a woman, as well. Men and women, I think, are not all that different. Yes, there are differences but down deep we all want the same thing. Love and acceptance.

So now, I am going to put my list away and not look at it for a year or so. And then I'll see what has happened after a year. Maybe nothing, but maybe something really wonderful.


Christo Heyworth said...

I always lost in the Tall, Dark & Handsome stakes, Brooke, but I hope I qualify in some of the others you have listed. Thank you for a very entertaining insight, and I suspect that once women get past the "Ooooh, isn't he gorgeous?" stage, many of the guys worth bothering with have been tagged by the women who mature early - why are so many second marriages or partnerships more successful and long-lasting than the instant attraction couplings?

Susan Anne Mason said...

Hey Brooke,

I like your list and your focus on the positive qualities. Good luck with your quest.


Anonymous said...

I am so with you about Brad - and just as repugnant is Angelina. Everyone seems to forget that she and Brad wrecked his marriage. Okay, logically I think there had to have been some cracks there already - but to have hurt Jen so much, and to continue to do so with their publicly "wonderful life" (if it's so good, why do they feel the need to publicise it so much?) just makes it worse.

So won't watch any of their movies again - and I loved Legends of the Fall.

Loved the idea of listing traits that you look for in a guy - I mentioned this to my hubbie, and he said that he didn't need a list, as he got everything he wanted in me. Now isn't that nice? lol - he gets extra points for that one!!

Great blog, btw.

Jeanette x

Brooke London said...

Awww, that's so sweet Jeanette - your hubby's a definite keeper!

Tim said...

Another fine post, Brooke. I hold the same qualities in highest regard.

Lucky for me you weren't insisting on 100 things for facebook pals too. :)

May you find that 100-proof guy some day - you deserve nothing less. :)

Tim in Australia

D. F. Krieger said...

When I was married to my ex husband, we went to marriage counseling. The counselor had us write a list of 25 traits we had hoped for in each other. My ex's list was blank about me, and my list contained things he didn't measure up to. A year later, I met my current husband (who has every trait {even the physical ones I didn't write down ;) })