Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I Feel Good!

Those James Brown lyrics for his song of the same name are singing through my head and how true they are: "Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now". Well, I have to say I DO feel good. And I knew that I would. Eventually. And apparently, eventually has arrived.

And while the rest of the lyrics have to do with holding someone in my arms, I think I can do just fine for now with holding someone (my newest male protagonist) in my head. After all, sex is all in the brain.

Another reason to feel good? I received the initial edits for my first book from my editor, so I am happily working away on that.

A third reason to feel good? My whole extended family (two parents, two sisters, one brother-in-law, one brother-in-law-to-be, two nieces and one nephew) also are doing well and living their lives to the fullest.

A fourth reason to feel good? It's a bright sunny day here on Lake Ontario even if it is a little cool, but at least it's not snow. Yaay!

A fifth reason to feel good? I'm alive and getting healthier every day.

It's true that to have a happy life, one has to be grateful for the things that are going right in one's life and environment.

And right now, I feel good! Whoa-oa-oa! (Imagine me doing a James Brown dance)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Letting Go

I've been thinking a lot lately on the subject of 'letting go' People tell you to let go of the things that you obsess about, like chewing on an old bone and regurgitating it to re-chew it whenever you feel down (sorry for the image). I realized that I didn't even know what 'letting go' meant. Does it mean to forgive and forget and waltz down the primrose path without a thought in your mind? Open to betrayals and emotional scarring? I couldn't see doing that. Does it involve forgiveness? Because I sure as heck am not always in a forgiving place. The best answer that I was given was: Letting go involves separating the hurtful event from the emotions that occurred as a result of the event. Things that happened in the past, need to be learned from, and then left in the past where they can no longer hurt you.

Easy, right? Nuh-uh, that's a tall order. A humungous order. It does involve forgiveness, however, but the forgiveness is for the person who was hurt by the event. Forgiveness for being all too human and fragile. Forgiveness for staying in a situation where one should have left long ago. Forgiveness for the forgiver. A novel concept, at least for me.

If one is to separate the hurtful event from the emotion, then you have to look at the event objectively. And that means doing away with blaming yourself and whoever else was involved. Quite honestly, being resentful takes a lot of energy. A lot of energy wasted on being angry at yourself, angry at someone else, depressed, grumpy, a victim (poor me syndrome), maybe even suicidal, but the hurtful event is OVER. You only harm yourself when you keep recycling the past hurt to ruin what could be a great day. Your feeling bad is not hurting the person who hurt you--they might even feel great if you feel miserable. But they'll never know unless you tell them. Is that how I want to spend my life? Miserable? NO.

So, I pledge to myself now, that I will try to forgive myself for my failings and I will try to keep past hurts where they belong- -in the past. Geez, I hope this gets easier.