Thursday, July 16, 2009

Trust Yourself

There is a Blue Rodeo song that has been playing in my head for the past five years. It has become my anthem of sorts. The lyrics that I identify with the most are:

Now you’ll be alone when the sun comes up

Tattered little dreams and a broken cup

Then you’ll have to trust yourself

And don’t believe in any more lies

I believed in lies for years, about myself and about the people around me. And it wasn’t just a bad marriage. Other things and people contributed to my problems, problems that were and are up to me to fix. It’s all well and good to discover from whence your problems sprang, but if you get caught up in the “It’s all your fault” thing, you can’t move forward and you can’t fix those things that are every person’s responsibility to fix. You become a victim because you define yourself as a victim. You may have been victimized, but it doesn’t follow that you have to view yourself as a powerless victim. And you perpetuate your victim-hood by not taking steps to view yourself and your world in a different, clearer light.

And whether it’s an abusive childhood, abusive marriage, racism or bullying at home, school or work, in the past or present, it’s up to you to fix you. You teach people how to treat you. I absolutely believe this. You may have tried to have the perfect life, the perfect relationship, the perfect whatever but it blew up in your face and “now you’ll be alone when the sun comes up”.

Being alone in and of itself is not a bad thing. In fact it can be a very good thing, a very centering thing and a very humbling thing. Being alone has allowed me the time to figure out what has gone wrong and right in my life. Yes, I hang onto my “tattered dream and broken cup” but that is until I replace it with something better, which I am working on.

My eyes are open and I won’t believe the lies anymore because I am not that person anymore. I have to be able to trust my judgment and instincts. And that comes with maintaining my personal boundaries and listening to myself. That comes with carefully picking apart my past and my present. Some of it is painful but some of it is good. I have done some things right, even though it may have taken me some time to realize it.

The reason I am writing this post is that I believe that everyone gets dealt a raw hand in some way, at some time. No one’s life is a fairy tale and unfortunately, some get dealt a worse hand than others. No, it’s not fair. But it is life.

1 comment:

The Flower of Scotland said...

You are right on the money, Brooke, in identifying the point at which people are able to "turn the corner" in their march toward sanity; and just to bolster your point a bit more, let me add that sanity is the position from which an individual surveys the big picture and sees him/her self as an integral part of that whole. This means that "no man is an island..." and that the light radiating from each of us impinges every other point of light to such an extent that our strength comes directly from the whole.

The difference between sanity and insanity resides in the ability to make the distinction between being alone and being lonely; the latter is the insane position. But being alone doesn't mean "without help" it merely indicates that you are a singular focus of light; and, might I add, you are a particularly radiant focus. In this regard, help is never far away from any of us; indeed, it resides at the very Heart of our Being; and, relating back to the song, the "self" that you must trust is that very Self at the Heart of you--a Self that is One with All of Creation. Once your trust is placed in a sweet repose there, you will be able to exchange the "tattered dreams" for a glorious, magnificent, inscrutable, and inviolable reality; and exchange the "broken cup" for infinite storehouses to fill every command of your lips.