Monday, May 25, 2009

Who is more romantic, men or women?

This age-old question is as relevant, or as irrelevant, as ever. Women claim they are more romantic than men, citing such reasons as being more verbally emotive, buying romantic cards for their partners, suggesting candle-lit dinners, etc. And while women may be more outwardly expressive of feelings of love, I think men are more romantic but many are shy about expressing themselves for fear of ridicule or rejection.

There are studies that show that men fall in love faster than women. Men are more idealistic about love, not bothering to look at some of the down sides. Women initiate the break-up of a romantic partnership more often than men. Men also, according to these studies, suffer more from a break-up. Men felt lonelier, more depressed, unloved and the least free after a split.

I think there are reasons for the above findings going back to Darwinian theories of evolution. It’s a numbers game really. A woman produces, generally, one egg per month. A single man, in theory, could populate the entire world in a few months because of the millions and millions of sperm he produces (using IVF – not even the most lusty man could impregnate millions of women a day, assuming that all the women become pregnant).

Love is a riskier proposition for women than men. Women seem to have more to lose, so I think this accounts for some of the differences. Women carry babies, they invest more of themselves in the process of procreation. They have to. A couple has sex and, biologically speaking, the man’s part is done. Of course, the man needs to be there emotionally and physically for his pregnant partner, but the woman incubates and nourishes the fetus until birth. A baby is one tangible piece of a sexual partnership.

I believe that women may recover faster from a break-up as women generally have a larger support system of friends. Men are supposed to be the strong silent types—I’m not sure how many men feel comfortable enough with their friends to cry on their shoulders. And I’m assuming that the break-up has not been precipitated by some form of abuse. If a break-up occurs because of abuse, then both men and women will take a long time to recover their sense of self.

I think men feel love just as deeply as women. Women just don’t give them credit for it. Men just show their love in different ways. 

He takes out the garbage = he loves you. 

He mows the lawn = he loves you. 

He comes home every night = he loves you. 

He fixes things around the house = he loves you. 

He thinks of ways to make your life easier = he loves you. 

He supports your decisions and respects you = he loves you. 

You know, flowers and candy and grand romantic gestures can be nice, but quite honestly, I’d rather a man shows me his love in different ways. Ways that go past the superficial and speak more deeply of attachment and love.

Or maybe that’s just me.


Anonymous said...

I think you're right, Brooke. Men look at 'love' as something physical. Going to work everyday, busting their butts for their family, helping with housework, whatever.
Women want flowers or kind words, hugs and kisses, which more often then not, men take for granted.

Finding the balance and communication are definitely the key!

Great blog topic,

Teresa said...

An interesting book, The Five Love Languages identifies the different ways we primarily "hear" love. Some people have a combination of these, but usually one way is primary for them.

For some people, it is thru words; for some actions; for some, time spent; for others, gifts and...I fogot the last one. LOL. Obviously not my love language, whatever it was...