Tuesday, October 28, 2008

How to Lose a Man or Woman in 1 minute (or less)

How to get rid of a guy in 1 minute or less? Many a woman has debated this question and many have come up with pretty good answers. As soon as you meet him, or shortly thereafter:
  • Tell him you are in a weight-gain phase of your life.
  • Tell him that you are a shopaholic and deeply in debt.
  • Tell him that you must see your mother on a daily basis or you just can’t think straight.
  • Tell him that your family would love to meet him. Immediately. Your father owns a shotgun and you still don’t know what happened to your last boyfriend.
  • Tell him that it’s you, not him. And then just walk away
  • Tell him you were just paroled from prison on a murder conviction. You were guilty.
  • Don’t tell him you are lesbian - this might just encourage him to try to “convert” you.
  • Don’t tell him that he is a dickless wonder - this might just encourage him to prove you wrong.
  • Tell him that you are going to shave your head today - just to see what it looks like.
  • Howl like a wolf at the moon at inopportune times. Mid-day in a crowded shopping centre or restaurant is always good. Yip a few times at the end of your baying.
  • Tell him that you must have a family immediately. You must have 13 children in the next 13 years to fulfill your destiny to save humankind.

Of course, there are always ways to lose a woman in 1 minute or less. As soon as you meet her, or shortly thereafter:

  • Tell her that you live with you mother because no one can take care of you like mummy.
  • Tell her that you are unemployed and planning to stay that way. Welfare is a wonderful thing you plan on using the rest of your life.
  • Compare her unfavorably to your mother
  • Compare her unfavorably to her mother
  • Tell her that you need a wife/mistress who would ideally be your maid, cook, doormat, sex toy and totally devoted to you while you go out to find someone better.
  • Tell her that you find intelligent women unfeminine.
  • Tell her that you find brainless women the epitome of femininity. Brainy women are too much work and very threatening to your masculinity.
  • Tell her that you want to get married and that you’ll live with your parents for your entire marriage. Why go anywhere else?
  • Tell her that you’re gay - but she might decide you are perfect, safe male friend material, so be careful with this one.

I’m sure I could come up with more. The above was written tongue-in-cheek. If you are truly not interested in a person who tries to pursue you, either romantically or platonically, be nice and kindly say you’re not interested, rather than leading them on.

3 comments:

Yoli said...

This is brilliant!!!!! LMAO!!!

Mark said...

"Tell her that you are unemployed and planning to stay that way. Welfare is a wonderful thing you plan on using the rest of your life"

In the UK, that line has more success than you'd think.

Jacko
www.mark-jackman.com/blog

Mistralwynde said...

Have to laugh, because reality is stranger than fiction, Brooke. ;)