Do you ever wonder...

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you could just walk away from everything without consequences to the people who love or depend upon you? Just walk away from your job, your memories, your obligations, your family, your friends. Just leave. What kind of person would be created.

People identify themselves by what they do for a living. I am an engineer. I am a nurse. I am a doctor. I am a...writer. People identify themselves in relation to other people. I am a wife, a husband, a daughter, a son, a boss, a worker-bee.

I think that people want the security that comes with knowing their place in their lives, in other’s lives and in society. But what is left if you take all those things away? What is left of the person you think you are? Who are you?

What if you identified yourself by how you feel, by what or who you love, by what or who you hate? Is that an evolutionary step back? I suppose Darwin would say that survival of the fittest has governed the development of our social structures and ourselves. But what if you think that none of the structures seem to fit you? What if everything you have is taken from you in a huge upheaval, whether by forces emotional, physical or spiritual? Who are YOU? Not the facade we each present to the world, but what makes up the essence of you.

I can say that I love to play piano. I can say that I hate green beans. I can say that I love being drenched by a sudden splash of soft summer rain. I can say that I love cloud watching, watching the sparkling night sky, watching a lunar eclipse. I can say a lot about ME without referring to what I do for a living or the people who populate my life.

I think it’s important to know who you are before you can find your place in the rest of your life or in other’s lives.

Just a thought.

First Edit Done!

I finished the initial set of edits from my editor/publishing company! Yay! There might be more, but it's a learning process and I'm just glad I've jumped into the deep end to swim. I also received a copy of the cover art for the book and I LOVE IT! Wow.

Everything is going so well and I am so grateful about everything that's happening in my life. I can't say everything is perfect, I don't think perfect is possible or desirable, but things are moving in the right direction for the first time in a very long time. And I am determined that it will keep going that way!

I Feel Good!

Those James Brown lyrics for his song of the same name are singing through my head and how true they are: "Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now". Well, I have to say I DO feel good. And I knew that I would. Eventually. And apparently, eventually has arrived.

And while the rest of the lyrics have to do with holding someone in my arms, I think I can do just fine for now with holding someone (my newest male protagonist) in my head. After all, sex is all in the brain.

Another reason to feel good? I received the initial edits for my first book from my editor, so I am happily working away on that.

A third reason to feel good? My whole extended family (two parents, two sisters, one brother-in-law, one brother-in-law-to-be, two nieces and one nephew) also are doing well and living their lives to the fullest.

A fourth reason to feel good? It's a bright sunny day here on Lake Ontario even if it is a little cool, but at least it's not snow. Yaay!

A fifth reason to feel good? I'm alive and getting healthier every day.

It's true that to have a happy life, one has to be grateful for the things that are going right in one's life and environment.

And right now, I feel good! Whoa-oa-oa! (Imagine me doing a James Brown dance)

Letting Go

I've been thinking a lot lately on the subject of 'letting go' People tell you to let go of the things that you obsess about, like chewing on an old bone and regurgitating it to re-chew it whenever you feel down (sorry for the image). I realized that I didn't even know what 'letting go' meant. Does it mean to forgive and forget and waltz down the primrose path without a thought in your mind? Open to betrayals and emotional scarring? I couldn't see doing that. Does it involve forgiveness? Because I sure as heck am not always in a forgiving place. The best answer that I was given was: Letting go involves separating the hurtful event from the emotions that occurred as a result of the event. Things that happened in the past, need to be learned from, and then left in the past where they can no longer hurt you.

Easy, right? Nuh-uh, that's a tall order. A humungous order. It does involve forgiveness, however, but the forgiveness is for the person who was hurt by the event. Forgiveness for being all too human and fragile. Forgiveness for staying in a situation where one should have left long ago. Forgiveness for the forgiver. A novel concept, at least for me.

If one is to separate the hurtful event from the emotion, then you have to look at the event objectively. And that means doing away with blaming yourself and whoever else was involved. Quite honestly, being resentful takes a lot of energy. A lot of energy wasted on being angry at yourself, angry at someone else, depressed, grumpy, a victim (poor me syndrome), maybe even suicidal, but the hurtful event is OVER. You only harm yourself when you keep recycling the past hurt to ruin what could be a great day. Your feeling bad is not hurting the person who hurt you--they might even feel great if you feel miserable. But they'll never know unless you tell them. Is that how I want to spend my life? Miserable? NO.

So, I pledge to myself now, that I will try to forgive myself for my failings and I will try to keep past hurts where they belong- -in the past. Geez, I hope this gets easier.

Sunshine on my Shoulders makes me Happy

I've just come back from two weeks in the Caribbean, laying on a beach and recharging my psychological and physical batteries. It's amazing what a difference two weeks made on my outlook. I feel great, relaxed and ready to move on with my life.

I think that getting out and experiencing life yourself, instead of just watching it on TV or reading about it in a book (please do read my book when it comes out ;)), is the essence of a happy and productive life. I'm not going to wait around for life to happen to me - I am going to happen to my life, make a difference in myself.

In short, be the hero or heroine of your own very unique story.

This is a picture of paradiso!

A New Start

Life can be scary, especially if you're starting all over again. Making yourself anew. I should know. I am starting fresh with a brand new career - writing! I can hardly wait but I'm also apprehensive. What happens now?

Over the next while, I'll let you know how my new life is growing and improving.

Wish me Luck!